BUSH & HARPER'S SHOCKING SECRET DEAL

BUSH & HARPER'S SHOCKING SECRET DEALBREAKING: Udder Cleaners has learned that Prime Minister Stephen Harper and US President George Bush have agreed to swap Alaska for New Brunswick. The idea, first broached in Cancun two days ago by officials discussing bilateral trade issues, was said to have been well received by both leaders late Thursday as they sipped margaritas and contemplated the various merits of the deal. Sources inside the Prime Minister's Office indicated under condition of anonymity late Friday night that the plan would see the province of New Brunswick amalgamated into the State of Maine no later than April 8, 2010, in exchange for the state of Alaska, which would be amalgamated into the Yukon. "It makes eminent sense", said our source, who once attended a Harvard lecture given by the erudite Michael Ignatieff several years ago. "Both are marginal territories awkwardly placed in their respective countries", noted our source, "and both countries would be strengthened by this type of realignment". In fact, this writer has confirmed through sources in Cancun that a secret task force has been struck to put together a plan of action based on sound strategic, geopolitical, commercial, and national security reasons strong enough to instigate successful votes in both Congress and Parliament no later than April 8, 2008. It remains unclear what, if any, say the citizens of Alaska and New Brunswick will have in the decision-making process, though it is understood that both the Governor of Alaska and the Premier of New Brunswick have been briefed and are on side. Developing..

"The people have been led in Mesopotamia into a trap from which it will be hard to escape with dignity and honour. They have been tricked into it by a steady withholding of information. The Baghdad communiques are belated, insincere, incomplete. Things have been far worse than we have been told, our administration more bloody and inefficient than the public knows. It is a disgrace to our imperial record, and may soon be too inflamed for any ordinary cure. We are to-day not far from a disaster." -- T.E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia) 1920

Rep. Gary Miller (R-Delay.)

Rep. Gary Miller (R-Delay.) pushed for a provision in last year’s transportation bill that allowed the city of Rialto, Calif., to shut down its airport.

By doing so, he paved the way for his business partner, Lewis Operating Corp., one of his top campaign contributors, to buy the land from the city and make plans to build Renaissance, a community consisting of 2,500 homes, parks and 80 acres of retail space on the former airport property and adjacent land.

Normally, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has sole authority to close airports.

“This is the first time … an airport has been closed through the legislative process,” said FAA spokesman Hank Price. “We follow Congress’s direction.”

KT McFarland

"KT" McFarland and her paranoid fantasies. McFarland is a Republican former Pentagon official who is running against Hillary Clinton in New York, and last week she publicly announced that she was batshit crazy.

At a gathering of Suffolk County Republicans, McFarland said, "Hillary Clinton is really worried about me, and is so worried, in fact, that she had helicopters flying over my house in Southampton today taking pictures."

An eyewitness to the speech said, "She wasn't joking, she was very, very serious, and she also claimed that Clinton's people were taking pictures across the street from her house in Manhattan, taking pictures from an apartment across the street from her bedroom."

Tom DeLay

"Our faith has always been in direct conflict with the values of the world. We are, after all,

a society that provides abortion on demand, has killed millions of innocent children, degrades

the institution of marriage, and invades helpless backwards countries just to steal their oil.

Wait, did I just say that?"

-- Tom DeLay, trying to "save the children"

Republican Rep. Tom DeLay said Tuesday that former and current Supreme Court Justices Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg "don't get it" when they complain about conservative criticism of judges.

"All wisdom doesn't reside in ... people in black robes," DeLay said.

In recent weeks, O'Connor has said the criticism has threatened judicial independence to deal with difficult issues such as gay marriage. Ginsburg said in a speech that a Web threat against her and O'Connor was apparently prompted by Republican proposals in Congress that tell judges to stop relying on foreign laws or court decisions.

Ginsburg said such actions by Congress "fuel the irrational fringe."

"Didn't you see the comments of Sandra Day O'Connor and Ruth Ginsburg over the last couple of weeks?" DeLay, R-Texas, asked reporters after a speech to a group of Christian conservatives. "There's still a problem, they don't get it. There are three branches of government. All wisdom doesn't reside in ... people in black robes."

Earlier, the former House majority leader told activists he agreed with their premise that there is a "war on Christianity.

"Our faith has always been in direct conflict with the values of the world," DeLay said. "We are, after all, a society that provides abortion on demand, has killed millions of innocent children, degrades the institution of marriage, and all but treats Christianity like some second-rate superstition."

DeLay was forced to abandon his job as majority leader while facing indictment on charges that he improperly funneled corporate donations to Republican candidates for the House and amid questions about his ties to disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

Dick Cheney

And finally: Speaking of American Idol (the guy in the picture above is a contestant, for those of you who don't watch it), Dick "last throes" Cheney actually managed to find a way to work the show into his stale criticisms of the Democratic Party last week. During a campaign event in Florida he told the audience, "If they are competent to fight this war, then I ought to be singing on American Idol."

George W. Bush

Trying to pin their own fiscal irresponsibility on the Democrats is just one part of the GOP's strategy for 2006. Last week Our Great Leader went to the people (again) to explain how he's going to win the war in Iraq (again). During a Q&A session in West Virginia he faced a barrage of tough questions. Here are a few excerpts:

I thank God you're our Commander-in-Chief. You're a man for our times. And I'm supporter of yours. And I think it's good that you come out and tell your story. And I think you need to keep doing more of it, and tell the story and the history of all this. And God bless you. And I thank you for your service.

And:

I want to let you know that every service at our church you are, by name, lifted up in prayer, and you and your staff and all of our leaders. And we believe in you. We are behind you. And we cannot thank you enough for what you've done to shape our country.

And:

Do you like living in the White House?

Great stuff. But the question which brought the audience to their feet was this one:

This is my husband, who has returned from a 13-month tour in Tikrit. His job while serving was as a broadcast journalist. And he has brought back several DVDs full of wonderful footage of reconstruction, of medical things going on. And I ask you this from the bottom of my heart, for a solution to this, because it seems that our major media networks don't want to portray the good. They just want to focus on another car bomb, or they just want to focus on some more bloodshed, or they just want to focus on how they don't agree with you and what you're doing, when they don't even probably know how you're doing what you're doing anyway. But what can we do to get that footage on CNN, on FOX, to get it on headline news, to get it on the local news?

And there you have the other part of the GOP strategy for 2006: blame the media (again). See, the problem with Iraq is not that they're on the verge of civil war, or that around 40 people are killed every day in sectarian violence - the problem is that the media isn't reporting on all the good things going on over there.

It's not for want of trying. Two weeks ago Jake Tapper of ABC news attempted to do a lighthearted story on the production of an upcoming Iraqi sit-com called "Me and Layla." Everything was going great until the the head of the entertainment division for Iraqi TV was, uh, assassinated on his way to work.

Shanghai-Hong Kong International Liver Congress

I am currently enjoying the Shanghai-Hong Kong International Liver Congress 2006

I will return soon, if this makes it by the you know whats....