Here is a picture of the President with people who have names like “Dirk” and “Butch Otter” and “Spuddy Buddy.”






Whoda thunk the Department of the Interior would be a hotbed of scandal? And not that lame, hard-to-follow “corruption” and “bribery” kind of scandal, but honest-to-god sex ‘n’ stuff!

Turns out, this new Dirk Kempthorne has:
* Illegitmate son
* Longtime mistress/aide
* Sham marriage

Hey! Not bad! We’re suddenly way excited about the Department of the Interior — has anyone bothered to point out how educational these sorts of things can be? We might even go find out what the Interior Secretary does.


It is widely rumored (and NEVER denied) that:

* Dirk Kempthorne has an 'illegitimate' child. I used quotes because I loathe that word-- the one person it hurts most is the kid, and they don't deserve it.
* When Dirk Kempthorne went to DC as a Senator, he took this special aide (Sally?) with him.
* While in DC, Dirk Kempthorne was known as the Kennedy of the Republican Party -- and not for his stance on civil rights.
* His exit from senatorial life was because Dirk's wife, Patricia Kempthorne, insisted that he end the affair and/or the philandering.
* In spite of that ultimatum, the mistress followed Dirk Kempthorne back to Idaho, and currently lives either in Boise or McCall.

The press has always shied away from this, and details have always been sparse, but maybe someone in Boise or McCall (rumored digs for the mistress and their child) would assemble the details needed to break this story out and put the Rovian spin-machine back off message for a few days. At the least, Kempthorne's nomination is an opportunity to videotape some obviously-lying non-denial-denials by key Idaho Republicans for use next fall during Idaho wingnuts' Bigotry against Gays Marriage mudfest.

Presuming Patricia won't get interviewed by Oprah or a cameo on Desperate Housewives, Kempthorne's nomination leaves so many unanswered questions:

* Are the mysterious Sally and Dirk Junior going to be packing for the trip, or will Patricia be Dirk's only companion this time?
* Will Kempthorne be like Steve Symms divorcing his seriously-ill wife, or does he prefer Patricia brush up on her Tammy Wynette singing while he enjoys a steady stream of minor dalliances, a la Butch Otter?
* With neocons and fundamentalists screaming about sanctity of marriage, why do Kempthorne, Otter, and other Idaho Republicans hate the noble institution of marriage?
* And the national question: Would a scandal like this shred another percentage point off Bush's approval rating? Admittedly, it's such poor taste to distract the president from his two priorities:* Iraq and the November elections, but I like to hope that any day the Cheney administration is off-message is another day alive for several Iraqis (and Iranians). If so, those lives saved are almost be enough to attone for Idaho wingnuts STILL mustering a 50% approval rating yesterday for Bush.

AT LAST, we'll have a cabinet member that unabashedly likes their pages bent over. And the left can argue that as a cabinet member, Dirk opens the chance that if someone has an affair we'll finally get an impeachment. Right?! (pause, listen for the DLC and the entire republican party... nothing but crickets).

* apologies to Monty Python