Have you ever looked at the top margins on the King James Bible?

It provoked cognitive dissonance in me as a child to read "Christ's love for His church" in the top margin of the page featuring the Song of Songs. "My tongue shall cleave to the roof of thy mouth"??? Oookay.

After I grew up I simply thought, "Who did they think they were kidding when they added that comment?"

My misunderstanding of some of the rougher stuff I just had to attribute to my difficulties reading King James' English. Never learned what an emerod was until I was an adult, and never could figure out why being stricken with emerods was a punishment for something or other. (They're hemorrhoids.) I don't remember what I thought of the daughters being put out the front door to be raped by strangers, but again, reading that the men "knew" them probably went over my head.

It was very puzzling for a book that was supposed to be so holy -- and undoubtedly not the best reading for an eight-year-old. I suppose I was lucky I didn't have the New English Bible on hand...

As for the children's book about penguins, extreme fundies are pretty conflicted about expressions of love, although they're very good with hellfire and brimstone. It's probably why they see dark shadows everywhere. How sad for their children, and what a pain in the ass for the rest of us.

My pet goat is more acceptable to fundies. It's about a republican type goat who is greedy as hell and eats every thing up, leaving nothing for any one else. Just as the father of the house is about to hold a BBQ, the goat saves his red Beamer from a terrarist (see 911) and holds same at bay. The goat then becomes a close friend and ally and is allowed to continue consumming every thing in sight. GW Bush, in fact, is now using this book as a homeland security training guide for Terra control, and the search for a pet goat ended with halliburton and UAE, but Osama is still missing.